The End. At Least, Until the Real End.

To give you fair warning: this is a process-y, journal-y type post. Maybe you can relate to it. Or maybe you can’t at all. It starts well and ends well, but the middle is kind of muddy.

Last Thursday morning, with minutes to spare before having to catch a bus to Minnesota’s Great Get-Together (The State Fair, yo), I FINISHED my novel.

I felt giddy, jittery, excited, and nervous. I was nervous that I might not really be done, but jittery excited because in reality, I knew that nervous thought wasn’t really true. I almost delayed jumping the bus to the fair, thinking it might have been better to assure myself that it was done, but I’m glad I didn’t. And the fair all day with my siblings, nieces, and nephews? Perfect distraction. Came home and husband took me out for a celebratory dinner. I was still jittery excited at that point.  I stayed up late to do a final read through and proofread of this latest section before sending it to my friend and critique partner, Jen.

That was Day 1.

Day 2 offered “Post-Exciting-Event-Letdown” which I expected and it wasn’t too bad until Pandora played a song from my writing playlist: “Her Diamonds” by Rob Thomas and I suddenly started crying for missing my main character, Ana. Whoa. I was a goner for the rest of the day. I have been living with my characters and their story for over a year and I was done writing it. So sad. I mean, I know I’m not actually DONE with my characters and their story since there is much editing ahead with deletions, revisions, and maybe even some minor additions, but the finality of it all exists.

I spent a lot of time re-reading different sections, and re-reading yet again. (And yes, I see the ridiculous redundancy there, but it is actually pretty accurate in this case – this should tell you my state of mind at this point.) Logically I knew I should just close out the document and leave it completely alone for an indeterminate amount of time, but I was in mourning.

Day 3 was better, except that it was a Saturday and Saturdays have been writing days and I had nothing to write. Didn’t help that I hadn’t gotten much sleep and some family issues had cropped up, too. A couple of people rightfully asked about writing other stuff. I say rightfully, because of course I will write other stuff. But not yet. I did indeed close out the document. But then I opened and read my “Sampler Sunday” post. And then I read through documents that had feedback on them. And then I read through my document that stores my notes and mostly unused draft items. I felt like an addict. STEP AWAY FROM THE NOVEL.

Admittedly, reading through feedback told me two things:

1. I might secretly hope that the 68 pages I sent to Jen totally miss the mark because then this means I’ll have to go back and write Ana’s story again.

2. When I tell her (and my sister-in-law, Diane) “Oh, there’s no rush. You’ve got a lot going on, no worries,” It is really code for “OMG HAVE YOU READ IT YET??? WHY NOT?  WHO CARES ABOUT YOUR LIFE. IT’S ALL ABOUT MEEEEEEE!”

Day 4.

Forcing myself to write this blog post. Realizing that almost every single person who reads this may very well think I am a narcissistic freak and to get over myself already which is why I must publish this because they are all correct. I’m almost there. 😀

In fact, I am returning to the excitement of being done with the story and the fun anticipation ahead with perfecting it.

And how about a little “Smoothie Song” from Nickel Creek to remember, “it’s all good.”

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12 Responses to The End. At Least, Until the Real End.

  1. Laffers18 says:

    I adore you in all your narcissistic freak glory. That is all. (I added a hashtag before remembering where I was *facepalm* )

    Like

    • ProfeJMarie (Janet) says:

      And this is why I keep you around. You have been lovely to me these past couple of days. And, btw, hashtag away – I do it all the time in all the wrong places. 😉

      Like

  2. “Day 2 offered “Post-Exciting-Event-Letdown” which I expected and it wasn’t too bad until Pandora played a song from my writing playlist: “Her Diamonds” by Rob Thomas and I suddenly started crying for missing my main character, Ana. Whoa. I was a goner for the rest of the day.” I can totally get that! Big hugs! How can something so much a part of your life where you poured your heart and soul not lead to a let down and grief? I feel that way when I read a good book. I can only imagine it being times ten…or even times 100 when you actually WRITE it. And yes, with the personal stuff going on as well, what a whirlwind of emotions you must be having. Can I help?

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  3. Leesa says:

    I have been following your book writing journey for a while now & get a giggle out of your musings regarding it. I don’t write but I can understand first the euphoria & then the come down of emotions after living & breathing something for a year or more. But you know what? WOW YOU WROTE A BOOK!!! Many people say they want to write a book one day but you actually have. So bask in the sense of accomplishment, mourn the end of that era but most of all congratulate yourself on a wonderful achievement. 🙂

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    • ProfeJMarie (Janet) says:

      Thank you so much! – and you are absolutely right. I AM proud of myself and what I’ve created and am excited for what it will continue to become.

      Like

  4. Stupid weekly digest strikes again. I’ve really got to change my subscription settings. Okay, so I’m laughing at you, which isn’t really very nice considering the weekend you’ve had. I’ll stop now. I will get at least a few pages of what you’ve sent to me read today. Does it help to know that all I’ve wanted for days is to curl up with your novel? Probably not. You would not believe the socializing and meeting new people I’ve had to do instead (and not just at the Book Swap)…it was horrific. Thanks for sharing this.

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  5. tantemary says:

    Congratulations!! I agree with Leesa, celebrate this accomplishment 🙂

    Like

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